experiment

Let me see. I have thought about this at 3am this morning and I said to myself I was going to moderate my own behavior or try to by recognize what other people are seeing me do. But how? I guess others are seeing my blushed red face and seeing that I'm upset or mad. People don't want to deal with an upset or mad person all the time. They don't even want to talk with them. And I can't write in my journal because I get pissed off and take it out on other people instead of leaving my behavior in my journal.

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I know what I need to do, but I just don't do it. I will try not to get mad and get into one of my many moods that I get in. Well I will try to describe it if someone will listen to me and my feelings. They never have. They would always ignore me thinking that I won't talk. Why don't they ask? I know they always ignore my behavior and my moods that I am in because people don't want to hear any of what weird things that I say. (And Pamela, do not get mad when you are finished writing this blog entry. you have always got mad at what you wrote something) This is nuts! I am writing what people are telling me and scolding myself about it.

I don't know if this whole journal entry makes any sense as I am just jotting down words and phrases as I type them.