Way back when I was five before kindergarten,
I was at my Granmaw's house on El Paso Ave. Again, we were playing this little game called Bert and Ernie. And someone else was big bird... I don't want to say who because it might hurt her feeling. She was the only one living at home at the time. She so lucky, she had some idiot guy get her out of the house.
Anyhow a couple days later, I felt this terrible feeling that I was going to die. I could not shake this feeling.(this sounds so lame) So I ignored it and went on with my life. And told myself that I was fine.
I started kindergarden, when I was five and that's when it all started with the... well my doctors called it refusal to speak. It is not. It is not a choice. People like this did not choose to be this way. I became more (this does not make sense) agitated and more frustrated I knew that I would not get anything do anything I wanted for the rest of my life. One thing I know for sure is that you don't always get what you want--you have to work for it. Then that frustration turned to anger and that became a problem for me in junior high and high school. (shut up you are not in my body that I was given to me when I was born.so you could not
even feel or know what I was going through. what is your dam question? I know you have a question.) I know the past should stay in the past. #cant help it. Off and on I have felt like I was going to die... high school after high school and oops I did not do anything else. No one thought it was a good idea to go to a few classes at solano college.
If people can't believe me then shut the hell up and figure things out myself! I need someone to let me live on my own just one more time but with help.
How one can help: is to try to understand how I am feeling. If you can't do that, then leave me alone.
Oh also help me feel comfortable in social situations -- if I am even caught in one I am unable to get out of.
Ask me questions--but don't expect me to volunteer information just yet. I will do that. Just ask me questions. (i know) that I know how to answer. I know that someone will say "oh its just another wonderful day in the wyatt household".
I supposed something has to scare me so bad that I speak to someone. I will figure it out and do just that.
Sorry if all of this sounds jumbled up or out of place in the way of grammar. I was writing this as I was thinking. Alot of things held me back. I am unable to learn to drive because I am taking medication, that really can't live without. I am #addicted.
I can think of three @home therapies: 1) if you are feeling agitated, go pet a cat or dog. 2) go to the shoe store and try on shoes and 3) go to bath and body works.
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